Haunted
by kirst92
Summary: She hadn't planned on hurting Nick; but she had. As soon as the words had left her mouth, Jen had hurt him, and now it was haunting her. Nick/Jen


A/N: So, I wrote this one a few years ago and I was sure I had posted it on the internet somewhere... but I can't remember where and If I actually did or not. I love City Homicide and I love Nick and Jen.

Any mistakes are in fact my own. All comments and concrit welcome. Enjoy :)

Haunted

Jen kept replaying the scene of her and Nick in the car. Over and over. It was almost like it was a famous scene from a movie, and she was watching it from a distance. It wasn't her that had said those words; it was an actress. It wasn't Nick that had gotten out of the car leaving her there; it was an actor. She kept telling herself that, when really Jen knew it wasn't a movie. It was reality. It was haunting, and it was cliché, but she couldn't stop thinking.

It was the one moment in her life, that Jen had wished the outcome was different. She hadn't planned on hurting Nick; but she had. As soon as the words had left her mouth, Jen had hurt him, and now it was haunting her. She had chosen her career over him; the man she knew loved her with all his heart. Nick wanted to marry her, and he wanted her children. He wanted her. The fear that their relationship could fail, had consumed her thoughts during her absence from homicide, she didn't want to put herself through that pain, considering the massive blow she knew her career would take. Now, the pain that she had ended it, when she knew that Nick had wanted her Jennifer Mapplethorpe, of all people, was setting in. It was painful. She couldn't really believe it; Nick loved her. It was surreal, but in a sense she knew he did, and she knew it was the truth. Nick Buchanan was in love with her.

Shaking her head lightly, Jen tried to get rid of the thoughts that were consuming her being. She was at work, she shouldn't be thinking about it, when the man in question was next to her, at his own desk. As she regained focus on her laptop, she felt Nick's eyes on her; his ever-watchful eyes.

"What?"

Nick smirked lightly, but the concern for her was still evident in his voice, "Are you okay? You keep shaking your head like something is bothering you?"

"I'm fine."

"Jen?"

Sighing, Jen continued, "Nick, I'm okay. I just ... I can't concentrate."

"The case bothering you?"

"No. You know cases don't get to me..."

"Yes they do, Jen. Especially, when kids are involved..."

"Kids aren't involved, and no. It's not the case."

Pushing the subject further, Nick tried to get an answer out of her, "Jen...?"

Sighing, and choosing to ignore him, Jen closed her laptop shut and gathered all of her possessions that she knew she would need for the night. Quickly, wishing the remaining detectives of homicide a good night, she made a run for the elevator.

As, Jen made it finally to the ground, a sense of relief surged through her body. Not because she had possibly hurt Nick again, but because she really didn't want to have that discussion whilst they were both working. They had already made that mistake. Walking slowly towards her car, she realised how exhausted she really was; it had been a rather long few weeks. When Jen finally made it to her car, she unlocked the doors, as she did so she heard a faint ringing sound coming from her handbag. Absent minded, she grabbed hold of her phone without looking; completely unaware that it was the man she had just run away from. She was safely inside her car, when she uttered her name.

"Jennifer Mapplethorpe."

"Jen, it's me..."

Her breathing hitched, why was it impossible to escape from him? "Nick? Is there something wrong?"

"I was just about to ask you the same question. But, seeing as you ignored me just before you answer me first."

"Nick..."

"Jen... answer this for me then. Why are you avoiding me?"

Her thoughts were immediately running wild with that question; she didn't know what to say. _I'm sorry; I'm avoiding you because I've made a terrible mistake. Yeah-nice one Jen, you can really tell him that over the phone. _

"Nick... I... I'm not avoiding you."

_You're a terrible liar, Jennifer Mapplethorpe. Terrible. _

"Yes, you are Jen! You're even avoiding the question!"

"No, I'm not!"

_Liar._

"Have I done something?" Nick asked, almost pleading for her to answer.

"What?! No. Why would you think that?"

"Well, you are avoiding me."

"I'm not. I ... I just ... it's just that I need space."

"Bloody hell; again?"

"I just don't know anymore ... I thought I had enough thinking time when I was away... I hope that answers your question. I'm sorry." And, with those final words, she hung up.

Jen threw her phone back into her handbag; she had now well and truly had enough. She was in emotional turmoil. Putting her seatbelt on, she reserved out of her car park and headed home.

As she finally entered her home, after a long day she was relieved. She was home. Placing her handbag and laptop down on to the coffee table, her mind wandered to the drive home: throughout the drive home, Jen had been constantly plagued by Nick and thoughts of him. Nick had rung her five times during her drive home. Five times. Her thoughts hadn't helped either. Jen kept saying sorry, which now the word 'sorry' just seemed meaningless. How much longer could she keep saying to sorry to him? Every time she did, he seemed to shatter. Jen was killing him, with her decision and she was killing herself. Ironic really, when you work in the homicide squad she thought to herself.

As she made her way to her bedroom, to get changed she stopped in her tracks at the sight of her bed. Not so long ago, she had shared her bed with Nick. The memories of having him there with her started to haunt her. Quickly, she changed so that she could make a quick getaway from the confines of her bedroom. Making her way into the lounge room, her thoughts started to consume her being once more. Nick. She had hurt him in so many ways; he had put his heart on the line for her. He was willing to transfer out of homicide for her, but yet she cut him down. She was scared. Jen thought that by dedicating herself solely to her job she would never have time for marriage and children, despite in the back of her mind she knew she wanted all of it.

Taking in a deep breath, tying to get rid of her thoughts, Jen sat down on the lounge, and turned on the television in hope that it would drown out her thoughts. As the sound started to surround her, she brought her feet up, resting her chin on her knees. She had just gotten comfortable when there was a knock on her door...

Hesitantly, Jen slowly got up from the lounge and walked grudgingly to the front door. _I swear if its Matt again ... _Except it wasn't Matt. It was Nick.

"Nick?! What are you doing here? It's late."

"Don't tell me you're in bed. I don't believe it."

"What? I'm not... oh..." A small smile formed on her lips, at the realisation. Not so long ago, she had been in bed with him and Matt was at the door.

"You hung up on me..."

Sighing, Jen explained herself, "There wasn't anything else to say."

Taking in the sight of her, Nick knew he couldn't take it anymore. Moving closer to her, he slowly wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her into a hug. At first Jen resisted. It wasn't exactly a good idea, if she wanted her head to be cleared. Once she realised there was no way out, she settled. Being in his arms relaxed her despite her uncertainty of their relationship; he made her feel safe. He was in love with her. Nick Buchanan was in love with her. He wanted to do the whole marriage and kids route, but more importantly he wanted her. It just took Jen a while to realise what was important to her.

"Nick...?" Jen murmured, as she was still held tightly in his arms.

"Mmm?"

"I think we should close the door."

Nick smirked, as he kissed her forehead lightly, and removed his grip completely from Jen so that he could close the door behind them. Looking down at her, he smiled.

Jen smiled shyly, "Why are you here?"

"You did hang up on me."

"I did. I didn't want to talk anymore..."

"You said in the car that this; being our relationship means everything to you..."

"It does."

"Does it really? I mean after everything that has happened recently, I'm not so sure Jen..."

As Nick's voiced trailed off, Jen knew she had to do something. There he was the man that she loved, standing in front of her trying to make her see sense; trying to make her choose him. Taking in a breath, as she built up her courage she knew Nick wanted and needed her to talk to him.

Stepping closer to him, she grasped hold of his hand. "It does Nick ... I'm just ... I'm scared."

As those words echoed throughout Jen's house, Nick slowly took what she had said in, and brought his hand up to touch her cheek. "I would never hurt you, Jen... there is nothing that you should be scared of."

"I know you wouldn't, Nick. I'm just scared that we'll do this ... like I said in the car, that in a few years time ... It'll be over. I'm not sure I could handle that ... I would have risked everything, and then have it fall apart..."

"It won't fall apart. I want you; I want this to work."

"You don't know that Nick..." taking in a deep breath, as Nick continued to stoke her cheek, Jen continued. "I want it to work, I do Nick."

A smile formed on Nick's face. It was clear that he knew how Jen felt about him now. Removing his hand from Jen's cheek, he then wrapped his arms fully around her.

"Good. You already know I feel that way..."

Smiling against his chest, Jen then moved so she could look at him. He was content. No matter how many times he told her, or she told herself that he wanted her; she could now see it on his face; especially in his eyes. Standing on her tippy toes, she pressed her lips lightly to his. Smiling into the kiss, Nick deepened it. The one he loved had finally realised that she wanted him; she wanted a life with him.

As the sunlight crept into her bedroom, Jen awoke to a smile on her face. She was in the arms of the man she loved, and she was happy.

Jen was no longer haunted from her bad decision. Everything had seemed to work out, she was no longer confused about where her and Nick stood or how she felt about him.

Jennifer Mapplethorpe and Nick Buchanan would find their own way, as long as they're together. After all, their relationship wasn't and never will be a casual fling in either of their minds. They mean too much to each to allow their relationship to slip out of their hands ever again. One day, she'll be Jennifer Buchanan.


End file.
